My story of course also includes choices. Sometimes I've made poor choices, like the time I used charm to get onto a ride for free at a carnival, only to get so dizzy that the 2 pounds of fudge previously ingested found its way back out again. Or, the time I thought that Christianity was a series of emotional waves and for the first time I found myself empty and emotionless, numb. In this time I chose to completely abandon my God and my upbringing and run as fast as possible to self-indulgent and instantly gratifying pleasures. By the grace of God this particular season only lasted just under a year. And, I'm alive to tell about it!
The last three and a half years have been an awakening to the realness of God. I finally came to the end of everything and decided that it was time. After walking hand-in-hand with two separate close friends/relatives through the deaths of their children, and seeing them choose to trust God and not blame God, my whole being wanted, needed and craved this stability. It was time to extravagantly live for God. It was time to no longer hold back and reserve a part of me for self preservation (you know, just in case God disappointed me or didn't come through for me in a situation). No more did I want to choose confusion, pain and religion. About this time I chose to abandon my hurts, confusion, questions, my whole self (body, mind, spirit) entirely to the gospel at the foot of the cross. I thought, "What do I have to lose? Everyone already knows that I'm a Christian. Its about time I start being one".
From this point on I may or may not have experienced some or all of the following: hilarious fits of laughter accompanied with joy-tears when reading the Bible, a release of love and forgiveness towards people and misunderstandings from the past, an intense craving for knowledge and understanding of everything about Jesus' life on earth, a re-capturing/abandonment of my mind to absorb truth and understanding, a desire to see the miraculous and take part in it, personal physical (crazy!) healing, receiving God-given dreams when I'm sleeping come to pass and be fulfilled. And you know what? I haven't even begun to get warmed up.
Why do I share this with you? Because God is more real than the computer or electronic device that you're on right now. His Son, Jesus, is alive and seated in authority, above all earthly kingdoms. Holy Spirit is a free gift to you for the here and now and I dare you to give Him a try. I dare you to go whole-hog, all eggs in one basket, total abandonment. You may want to hold on tight because you are about to have your socks blown off, and pretty much everything else (what's that saying about always wearing clean underwear? You may want to heed that advice) ;) Ha! I'm not actually speaking of physical clothing here...I'm talking about religion.
Hang up religion. Stuffy, musty religion. I dare you to lay yourself (No one is watching) at the foot of the cross and ask God to consume you and see the emotional and physical healing begin. But the beautiful gift is that its your choice. No one is going to force you here. We're in love with choices as Americans. Here's the biggest and best choice you will ever have the opportunity to make.
I cannot put into words the heart-transplant that's taken place inside of me. Shame is a long-ago mere thought that I can laugh at. Love is more intense than ever before. My love for people, all people, at times is too much to handle. I don't feel sad for people who have never experienced this freedom, I am grieved, brought to gut-wrenching tears to see people who have chosen another lesser way. I hate to see my friends, my family bound in fear and pain and numbness - I can't even imagine what our God feels. Our God who paid it all for us to be free from this stuff. This is not conceited, rude or haughty. If I kept on living in this freedom without telling you about it - that would be conceited, rude and haughty; keeping it all to myself for my own benefit.
All I ask is for you to just try - with that beautiful gift of a will that you've been given. Maybe just ask for a simple gift of faith. It will come. Don't try religion - in fact, why don't you symbolically spit that out and ask, seek and knock, looking for total truth. God is love.
Matthew 7:7, 8
7 [a]Keep on asking and it will be given you; [b] keep on seeking and you will find; [c]keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened.
1 Corinthians 13:3, 4, 5
3 Even if I dole out all that I have [to the poor in providing] food, and if I surrender my body to be burned or [a]in order that I may glory, but have not love (God’s love in me), I gain nothing.
4 Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily.
5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God’s love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong].
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