Hi! I'm still here! Just soaking up all that summer has to offer. I haven't known where to start since writing last, since SO MUCH has happened. Without wasting our time I'm just going to start writing....
I was just sweeping off the front porch when I realized, "wait a minute, I can do this with my children when they wake up, they love playing outside and helping me. But, what I can't do when my children are awake is write a post." And here we are.
You know when you have those times in your life when a theme keeps showing up? Take for example humming birds. My mom and I were on the phone last week and a humming bird flew up to her window, three stories up, and looked straight at her for a few seconds then flew off. Later that day a woman shared with my mom how excited she was that when she was sitting on her back porch, that same day, a humming bird flew straight up to her and did the exact same thing! Unbeknown to them, I was at a meeting that same night where a woman named Mary Hasz was sharing her story as an artist in the prophetic-worship world and she brought three of her paintings with her. She's probably done hundreds by now but guess what one of the three pictures was that night? A hummingbird! Just floating there as if it was staring at you. Nothing too deep but maybe just a whisper of wonder and joy. I'll take it! In the least, it made my heart smile and be a little more in awe of the Lord and how He weaves His creation together to bless His children.
Here's something that keeps showing up for me right now: The story of Mary. You know, the Mary who didn't help her sister Martha in the kitchen the day that Jesus came to visit their house?? I have always been intrigued/confused by this story because I've been a people-pleaser for my entire life. I do not want to disappoint. I want everything to look good, smell good, taste good and be pleasing. Why? I have realized that it all points back to me. I want to be seen as perfect. I've had a hard time giving Mary slack for skipping out on the tasks that needed to practically be done in order to have a pleasant day...and not go hungry.
Over the past week I have heard this particular reference not once, not twice, not three times but at least FOUR times from non-related materials and events. The first time was in my own one-on-one time with the Lord in the Bible (Luke 10, Mark 14, John 12). The second time was in a devotional called Spiritual Java. The writer wrote about moving from a servant to a friend of God. He referenced the story of Mary and Martha and something JUMPED out at me. It said, "Its as though Martha was making sandwiches that Jesus had never ordered while Mary was enjoying Jesus' favor and using the time simply to be with Him. Mary wasn't a non worker; she had learned to serve from His presence-only making the sandwiches that Jesus had ordered".
The guest pastor at my church yesterday also preached from this passage and he put it this way, (paraphrased) "Mary had just seen Jesus raise her brother from the dead, witnessed the feedings of the multitudes and other miraculous things. Surely, He could call in take-out if He wanted to!" Mary had made the decision to activate her free will and worship Jesus in that moment. She did not perform duties FOR Jesus by making sandwiches. She did not stow away her precious ointment, or sell it for profit to feed the poor (Jesus said that the poor would always be with you but that HE would not always be with them), she poured it over Him. She worshipped Him. She knew that her needs and desires would be met by Father God: lunch (she did not help make it), husband and future (some say that the perfume she put on Jesus that day would've been her dowry). She worshiped the Jesus/Son of God that she knew, with everything she had. She did not waste the precious moments she had with Him.
Just today I turned on Spotify to listen to an album that I do not own. I wanted some worship music playing in the house and I heard that there was a new CD out by someone local here. I clicked on a song that looked good and what popped up when that song was finished? A "sermon" about worship. What story did Jonathan Helser reference? Mary and Martha. Again, the theme of worshipping The One, Only, Son of God and not letting anything get in the way. Those other things are good, and yes, lunch needs to be made but, (paraphrased) 'Good is always the evil counterpart of God's best'.
I feel like the Lord is revealing to me that He's shaping me into the one and only 'Jennifer form of Mary'. Into someone who is starting to peel off the deep layers of people-pleasing. As I'm asking Him to gently purify my heart, cleanse me from all my sin, and to rid me of myself, I'm realizing what a gift our will is (this is going to be an entire post one day). I see that I worship stuff all the time because I choose to. My children, my husband, my home, my friends, my clothes, my cooking, etc. BUT I've discovered that the free will that we have is most alive, beautiful and giving when we choose to worship and seek God. I feel the need to quote LeVar Burton at this time, "But, you don't have to take my word for it!"
How do I know this is taking place? What examples do I have to share with you? I'm glad you asked!
1) When I gave birth to my first child I was so excited and filled with such a peace for the first time because I knew exactly where I was supposed to be and I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing. I knew that I could not plan an event for my work while I was delivering my baby. I knew that I didn't need to wash 10 loads of laundry when I was pushing my baby out. I knew that my job, my purpose in that moment was to bring forth my baby. It felt so peaceful to not be pulled in 100 different mental directions but to focus and to know that this was my only task/purpose for that time.
My life is looking and feeling more and more like that. Ok, maybe not exactly like that ;) But I'm pretty sure you get the gist of what I'm saying. Peace. I'm living in more peace than ever. Are things perfect? Nope! But I am thriving in a restful, joyful and peaceful place with the Lord. I'm FAR less provoked to anger with my children. I'm way more self-controlled when it comes to eating and exercising. I'm about 10x's slower to speak and eager to hear (I still have quite a ways to go in this area). And these are just a few "first-fruits". None of this is boasting, by the way. Its just a little 'rainbow noise' to brag on the amazing fruit that God offers.
2) Last week our daughters' teachers came to our house for a home-visit. I was busy preparing the house when I thought to myself, "I should probably go get dressed and then finish all my tasks after that". I was trying to prioritize what I had left to do over the next hour before the teachers arrived. I propped the broom against the side of the house, to resume sweeping off the porch after I brushed my teeth, washed my face and got dressed. When I was drying off my face the doorbell rang. I knew instantly that it was the teachers. An hour early!! What was my first thought/reaction? Laughter!! For real! Ok, then very quickly after that I grabbed some non-matching clothes and threw my hair back in a half-falling-out pony tail. As I ran to the door I passed the dust mop propped up against the living room wall, and eyed the dirty wash rag on the kitchen counter, and chuckled to see some feathers on the floor from Coen's pillow parade from earlier in the morning. I also passed a mirror that reflected a freshly washed face with not a stitch of make up on, nor moisturizer! I was seriously laughing to myself. I counted this reaction as fruit of this new faith. Moving from one place to another place in my relationship with God. I obviously knew that I couldn't run around the house frantically trying to close drawers, pick up feathers and powder my nose. The teachers were standing on the other side of the all-glass door! We had a good laugh and really enjoyed the visit. In fact, they took a picture, as they always do, of Kayna and I to remember the day. When I think back on this day I really have a light heart. No embarrassment or excuses to be made. Just laughter. By the way, they called shortly after they left to apologize that they had made a scheduling error and that they were in fact supposed to be at my house an hour later. We just laughed all the more. It really wasn't a big deal!
I'm going to end here. Oh - I will be writing more soon. As soon as I finish editing the many drafts I have already written. There's so much to share.
I hope you're encouraged to take a layer of people-pleasing, or self-pleasing off today and find something to focus on from God and turn it into worship. And by all means, please laugh at something today!
